Fresh Year, Fresh Face

When you don’t wear make-up, it’s really nice not to have to worry about getting all the mascara off your eyes before you go to bed.

Mt. Finlayson hike. I usually only go without makeup while exercising or camping

I noticed this yesterday morning because I had forgotten to do just that the night before, on New Year’s Eve. I had been essentially make-up-less since our office closed for the Christmas holidays December 23. Then, December 31, Chris and I reserved a table at La Terrazza for our first anniversary dinner, so I painted my face, as much as I ever do.

I had already grown accustomed to not scrubbing my face to within an inch of raw after a week of going fresh-faced, so I felt the “ick” of make-up left on overnight as I stepped into the shower January 1.

You see, I had agreed, with Janis Lacouvée and a few others, to go without make-up for a month in January 2012, as part of an awareness-building, gender-role exploring, self-reflective exercise called “Fresh Year, Fresh Face.”

I’m a moderate make-up wearer. One of the things that attracted Chris to me was the fact that I don’t really have a need for a lot of “warpaint.” In fact, our first Skype date (Dec. 31, 2010) I had barely made myself presentable after getting home from the Run Through Time 5K race: my beauty routine for that first virtual date involved a quick sponge bath, a quick fix of the hair and that’s it. I had just run 5K, my cheeks were pink, I felt good. Nevertheless, it’s not my habit to be less than carefully made-up for a first date of any kind. It was already 11:30 pm in New Brunswick by the time our call started, and I didn’t want to keep him up any longer than necessary.

Apparently I looked as good as I felt. I did apologize to Chris, explaning that I usually take more care with my appearance for a first date, to which he replied: “So, this is you looking uh – not good – huh? Wow.”

Nevertheless, that little it of makeup I was accustomed to wearing was my “game face.” While crawling out from the depths of my worst depressive episode (over ten years ago now) the routine of putting on makeup in the morning was a healing ritual I needed in order to go through the motions of belonging to society: every day I would force myself out of bed, eat, shower, and while I applied make-up I pretended it was a mask I was putting on in order to appear normal and healthy.

It worked, until one day it no longer felt like a forgery. I had “faked it til I made it.”

Tori pondering life without makeup

So I approach this exercise with a little trepidation. Can I let go of my ritual and still keep my mental health? Will this start down the path of “letting myself go?” These are very real concerns to me, and I’m thankful I have company and an outlet where I can explore these issues.

I should add that Fresh Year Fresh Face is not just about the make-up. I’ve also darkened my hair to more closely match my original hair colour, with the intention of also giving up salon hair colouring. It’s been varying shades of red or blonde for many, many years, and now I have several grey strands coming in. I’ve moved to Vancouver from Victoria, leaving my youngest child to pursue her studies and a life in Victoria independent of me. Chris moved in (at least for a few months) just a couple of weeks ago. That’s a lot of change in the past two months.

It’s safe to say a more apt moniker for what’s going in with me right now is Fresh Year, Fresh Life.

You can follow all the gals participating in Fresh Year, Fresh Face on Twitter, we’ll be using the hashtag #FYFF.

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Coffee Joulies review: first impressions

I was so excited about coffee joulies when Chris told me about them last spring, I immediately signed on to Kickstarter to help the inventors hurry along the manufacturing process. The idea is: put some bean-shaped metal-and-secret-process-type thingies in your hot drink, and they will immediately cool it to a temperature you can drink without burning your lips. Then, the joulies store the heat and slowly release it, keeping your coffee, tea or whatever a perfect temperature.

Perfect! Just what I need! I don’t put milk in my coffee or tea, so it’s always too hot when I first get it. Then, when it cools, I tend to drink it up fast because I hate it when it’s not warm enough. What if I could put some cute little metal coffee “beans” in my drink and have it perfect temperature for hours? Sign me up!

For months I received email updates on the development of the final product (they weren’t readable on my iPhone, which was annoying, but we’ll just leave that aside for now). And I was SO EXCITED to see the package in my mailbox – finally – this past week.

So here is one of my five-pack of “little” magic beans:

Coffee joule in the palm of my hand

THEY’RE HUGE!

(I texted that to Chris, who immediately responded with “That’s what she said.”)

At the time I sent them some seed money through Kickstarter, Coffee Joulies didn’t have a web site, but they do now http://www.joulies.com/ – and when you read carefully, you are warned:

“Each Joulie is about the size (and shape) of half a medium chicken egg.”

And how many chicken eggs do you need in one cup of coffee?

“Using all five Coffee Joulies in a 16oz thermos displaces 3.75oz, leaving enough room for a full tall coffee/cappuccino/latte. Make sure to tell them that at your coffee shop so they don’t charge you for a 16oz coffee.”

So here’s what 5 joules (two and a half chicken eggs) looks like in my 12-oz mug at home (luckily I have one that is clear):

They displace nearly four ounces! Yeesh! Something I thought I could discreetly carry in my bag for my once-or-twice weekly run to Caffe Artigiano is suddenly a weight-bearing exercise. I guess I could keep them at work to put in my tea mug, but gimme a few weeks of upper-body strength training so I can pick it up without busting a bicep.

Bigger may be better though, if they work as advertised. I put four in my 16-oz mug this morning and sure enough, I was able to drink my tea right away, but as soon as the lid was off, my morning beverage started losing heat just as quickly as if there were no joulies added (it was just that much heavier). I’ll give it a week, try them in my insulated mug and see if they work any better, and report back.

 

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Everything’s New

Everything’s new and overwhelming. That’s my excuse.

New home, new city, new routines, truly living alone in my empty nest for the first time. I don’t even know where to begin to write about it all. So I’ll start with today.

Busker outside Granville Island Public Market

Today I finally did it: I shopped for some groceries at the Granville Island Market. I hadn’t been there since February when I took Chris there, both of us visitors, tourists.

I had told myself the first thing I wanted to do as a Vancouver resident was go to Granville Island Market as a local. It took me over a month to finally do it (well, two and a half if you count from when I actually took possession of my home).

Chestnuts roastingI wandered and lingered. I admired hats at Edie’s and notebooks and pens at Paper-Ya. I bought an umbrella, I gave coin to the buskers, I bought a bag of roasted chestnuts and some cheese curds. Then I got some vegetables and local meat, my meals for the coming week.

In my month here I have: given directions to tourists, got embroiled in the Occupy Vancouver controversy, ventured into Richmond for some of the best pho I’ve ever tasted, learned the public transit system and voted for mayor.

It’s probably going to take a little longer for it to really sink in, but I’m a Vancouverite now.

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Occupy Why?

Last week I dropped by Occupy Vancouver encampment at the Vancouver Art Gallery. I wanted to chat with someone there about why they were there and what they hoped to accomplish.

I wanted to go because I was annoyed. Inexplicably annoyed. I say “inexplicably” annoyed because I agree that too much power and wealth is concentrated in the hands of too few people in the world, and because generally yes, we do need a better way of making decisions, keeping those in power accountable and dammit the system of democracy we have just seems to leave so many people out.

A friend had gone there and his report was “What’s the big deal, it’s just a bunch of tents in a small area of a big city, why is everyone so threatened,” and I said “Well, because there are other groups of people who have booked that space and are prevented from using it because a bunch of young people want to camp out and have a party in the park.”

Then I realized I was talking out my ass because I hadn’t found out for myself what it was all about. So I vowed last Tuesday at lunch to go and see/hear for myself.

Walking through the site, I was struck by how neat and clean it seemed, for a campsite. There was no smell of marijuana in the air (which is unusual for the Art Gallery any time of year) and there were people with safety vests saying “medic” walking around. There were people on a stage saying their piece, announcing the next general meeting, etc. There was a children’s area, and information tent, a food tent and a clean-up tent with what looked like a very clean, foodsafe dishwashing area.

As it turned out I was pressed for time because I had a meeting right after lunch and I didn’t get away until late. So I deposited my trail mix with someone at the kitchen who thanked me politely.

I got the impression not of a party, but as a space where people had come together earnestly to make change happen.

“This used to be me,” I thought. I wasn’t totally converted to their cause, but I had a new respect for the (mostly young) people there.

Full disclosure: in my university days I was a social activitst. I helped organize demonstrations of tens of thousands of people. I even got arrested for acts of civil disobedience. Twice. Each time I carefully weighed the pros and cons, arranged legal representation and for my children to be taken care of, and accepted the consequences. When I was arrested I went willingly and nobody yelled, resisted, mouthed off or otherwise exacerbated the situation. We didn’t even passively resist, because did you know this? — You can be charged with obstruction of justice by refusing to actively participate in your own arrest and imprisonment. I chose not to do that, 20-odd years ago. I spent several hours in holding cells each time, and was conditionally discharged each time.

So when I say what I’m about to say I know what-of I speak. I have some street cred, you might say.

I watched yesterday afternoon the Occupy Vancouver LiveStream feed from the provincial courthouse, where some OV protestors decided to relocate after they were kicked off the Art Gallery grounds by a court order.

As far as I can tell, they went to the court house grounds because it is provincial lands, and a new injunction will have to be sought in order to evict them from there rather than city-owned land.

This means that the encampment has become the raison-d’etre of the movement, not the ideals it claims to represent. The courthouse is simply a convenience, because it’s province-owned property rather than city-owned property. The protestors are simply putting off the inevitable.

Plus – they’re blocking access to the courts. The only recourse ordinary people have to civil wrongs done to them. I don’t think these people have any idea what they’re doing. An independent judiciary is a cornerstone of democracy. It is still a well-respected and independent body. This Occupy movement was able to represent itself in this court this past week and state its case eloquently and passionately. I know – I heard one of their representatives speak on CBC radio last Monday. She was articulate and persuasive.

And she lost. The court said their Charter rights to free speech would not be violated by an injunction for them not to camp on the city’s public property.

The Occupy movement (or what’s left of them) is choosing to flaunt that court by moving to another jurisdiction – the province.

Isn’t this exactly the legal weaseling the Occupy movement hates when it comes out of the “One Per Cent?

I was monitoring Twitter at about 2:30 pm when a got a link to a LiveStream site of the courthouse “occupation.” I logged on to ask the protestors: “Why the courthouse?” I never got an answer. I saw a protestor take a swing at an official – a firefighter or something, who did swing back. I saw the protestor get arrested by the city police. I saw a mob taunt and try to provoke the police who were making the arrest. I was amazed at how the police kept their cool and did not arrest anyone else and did not drag the protestor to the van, rather they tried to carry him. I was shocked at the mob that surrounded the police and the arrested man, saying “let him go, let him go.” I imagine the police were probably incredibly nervous. I would have been shitting myself actually, had I really been there.

That was on the verge of being a mob, not a non-violent demonstration.

That’s not the way civil disobedience was done when I did it.

This is not Iran’s Tahrir Square. This is not even Wall Street.

Occupy Vancouver, you lost a potential supporter today. And I think I can safely say from a great many other Vancouverites: “Get off my lawn.”

——–

PS this is my personal blog, not a civic service. I reserve the right to not publish any comments I don’t like. Go somewhere else to carry on the debate, I may join you there.

——-

About those 100 posts:

So – 37 down, 63 to go. Or something like that.

I resumed my blogging yesterday when someone asked me for my delicious Greek Lentil Soup recipe. It was easy to do, so I posted it, thinking “Oh yeah, I have this 100 blog posts in 100 days thing I promised to get back to after I moved to Vancouver.”

With 60+ posts to go, I’m posting anything and everything that comes to mind. After the 100 posts, I’m evaluating where I really want to take my writing, and will re-focus accordingly. For now, I’m just getting it done. I’m “shipping,” as Merlin Mann would say. So – read in that spirit and keep in mind – YMMV (Your Mileage May Vary.)

 

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Greek lentil soup

I was asked for this recipe tonight when I tweeted it. See? People really are interested in what other people eat! (I know I am sometimes, especially when it comes to vegan/vegetarian meals.)

This comes to me from my daughter, @pocketbuddha who herself got it from a cookbook, the name of which I’ve forgotten.

Greek lentil soup

  • 2 cups red lentils
  • 2 Tbsp olive oil
  • 1 onion, diced
  • 1/4 tsp chili flakes
  • 8 cloves garlic (yes 8! I use half that, but go for it if you love garlic)
  • 2 diced carrots
  • 1 Tbsp fresh rosemary
  • 2 Tbsp fresh oregano
  • 2 bay leaves
  • 8 cups vegetable stock
  • 1/2 lemon’s worth of zest
  • 2 lemons’ worth juice

Garnish: fresh rosemary

  1. Rinse and drain lentils
  2. Sautée onion and a pinch of salt until translucent in a stockpot
  3. Add garlic, carrot, pepper, chill, rosemary, oregano, bay leaves, and salt and pepper. Sautée until tender.
  4. Add lentils and stock, boil, then simmer until lentils begin to disintegrate
  5. remove bay leaves and purée part of the soup, leaving the rest for texture
  6. add lemon zest and juice. Salt and pepper to taste.
  7. Top with rosemary for serving*.

* Non-vegans can top with feta cheese.

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A Personal Worst that’s not really a “worst” at all

I ran the GoodLife Fitness Victoria Half Marathon today in 2:21:09, a “Personal Worst.”

I am just fine with that – it was my goal in fact, because I am feeling uninjured and wonderful and I have a medal to mark another accomplishment. I know I can go out there undertrained and in the midst of a major life change and finish a challenging distance race with a smile on my face.

That’s huge.

I know my limits and my abilities and I’m so damn thankful that I have my health. Any day above ground is a supreme gift.

Happy Thanksgiving everybody!

 

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A request and a Happy Thanksgiving

I’m awfully lucky, in the hustle of getting ready to move to Vancouver and the bustle of getting ready to run a half marathon and eat a delicious dinner this weekend, that I am healthy, happy and surrounded by people who care about me. I have a lot to be thankful for.

I want to wish you a happy thanksgiving, and I also have a request. Admit it, I don’t do this very often, and I promise I won’t do it again for at least another year :)

I also can’t help but think of the bigger picture during holidays like this. Where are we going to go if or when we can’t run anymore? Or cook for ourselves, or dress ourselves, or go for a walk in the park?

Someplace like Mount St Mary’s hospital perhaps.

Maybe you and I will be felled by old age, a terrible accident or disease like cancer. Chances are it will be a process, not an event. Many of us will need long term care at some point.

That care does not come cheap. There are people at Mount St Mary’s now who need some extra help. The Cancer Society needs funds to search for a cure.

This year I vowed running was not going to be all about me. Now here it is, two days away from my next race – the Victoria Marathon (I’m running the half – 21.1 km) and I need to put my mouth where the money is. On this Thanksgiving weekend, please think about giving back to the community, and supporting my efforts to make my running about giving back and paying it forward.Giving Hands

My goals are modest:

Raise $200 for Mount St Mary’s hospital in Victoria. Make your donation online here.

Sell some YYJRuns 2012 calendars (in which I appear, running with wild abandon along a trail at the Royal Roads University grounds) to raise funds for cancer research. You can pre-order yours here.

Please visit one or both of those links today and give what you can. A $15 donation to Mount St Mary’s, and a $15 calendar. I’d be thrilled, but more importantly so many others will be able to live a better life. And for that, we can all be grateful.

Happy Thanksgiving, and much love to you and yours.

 

 

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Further lessons for online dating from offline marriage

Not that I’m in the market (I’m still reeling from my last relationship break-up) but I love Alexandra Samuel’s latest post: Lessons for online dating from offline marriage.

It’s hilarious, because it unveils a hidden truth: compatibility sometimes is not found in the major things like religion, political outlook, etc. After all, some of my most passionate relationships have been with people with whom I’ve had opposing views on such things.

Instead, Alex suggests that compatibility is found in what she calls the ”ecology of complementary selfishness.” For instance, how you negotiate differences in driving styles, eating Oreo cookies, etc.

It’s the little things, in other words. She suggests that online dating sites could get at those differences and do a better (different? more focused?) job of matchmaking than trying to replicate real-world dating techniques for testing compatibility.

She’s absolutely right of course: but I’d like to take a step back even further.

The common ground between the little things and the big things in the compatibility/complementarity scale is this: how you resolve conflict. Are you a talker? Are you a deep thinker? Do you need to be drawn out of your shell in order to make your needs known or do you just let it all hang out? Do you need to let things simmer, or do you need to hash things out before you go to sleep? Do you need to run away and think about things? Do you need your partner to quietly give you space to form a response? How do you make yourself heard? How do you let your partner know what you need: what’s important and what’s no big deal?

Seems to me, if you haven’t worked on your own issues in this area, it will be exceedingly difficult to suss out a partner’s communication style. I have found incompatibilities in communication to be cancerous to a relationship. It takes a bit of work, as Alex acknowledges:

That ecology of complementary selfishness can take years or even decades of marriage to uncover and build. I dream of a dating future in which eHarmony does it for you, by finding you the crust-loving, cookie-eating, blanket-tossing love of your life.

I just hope to someday find someone who will stick around long enough to put in a strong communications foundation. When I do, the cookie-eating and blanket-tossing styles will be a side issue.

Is there an app for that?

 

 

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echo chamber

Sitting in my echo-ey nearly empty apartment, first night in Vancouver as a Vancouverite. Happy, even though my feet hurt. I have to wash everything before I use it (oh the joys of home ownership, but in truth I would done the same if I was renting and it looked spotlessly clean).

I’ve been up since 4:30 this morning and I’m about to clean my soaker tub and have a bath. I miss my girl, although who knows if I would have seen her tonight anyway? She’s certainly an independent young woman now. Ah, plus ça change.

I am looking forward to the next few weekends – painting and making this place my home.

Note: 100 posts in 100 days has predictably become too much to keep up with during this time of change. I will resume on November 1.

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What do I do with Grandma’s vintage step chair?

One thing I am not attached to is my STUFF. I have too much of it. I have to pay by the pound to move it, so if I don’t LOVE it, it’s not coming with me. So I’m selling a bunch of items.

However, one thing I am conflicted about is my grandmother’s chair, complete with steps.

Grandma's step-stool/chair

Grandma's stool

When I sat on it and watched her bake cookies when I was a little girl, it was green.

I don’t know how old it is, but I think my mother used to sit on it when she was a little girl in the 1950s.

My grandmother re-upholstered it when I was older, now as you can see it has a rip in it, one that wasn’t there when I took it from her condo after she passed away six years ago.

I don’t really have a space for it, but I can’t give it up. Not yet.

I’m thinking to perhaps clean it up, paint it funky colours, re-upholster it again and use it as a plant stand on my balcony.

What do you think? Keep it? Sell it? Give it away? Let me know in the comments.

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