When you don’t wear make-up, it’s really nice not to have to worry about getting all the mascara off your eyes before you go to bed.
I noticed this yesterday morning because I had forgotten to do just that the night before, on New Year’s Eve. I had been essentially make-up-less since our office closed for the Christmas holidays December 23. Then, December 31, Chris and I reserved a table at La Terrazza for our first anniversary dinner, so I painted my face, as much as I ever do.
I had already grown accustomed to not scrubbing my face to within an inch of raw after a week of going fresh-faced, so I felt the “ick” of make-up left on overnight as I stepped into the shower January 1.
You see, I had agreed, with Janis Lacouvée and a few others, to go without make-up for a month in January 2012, as part of an awareness-building, gender-role exploring, self-reflective exercise called “Fresh Year, Fresh Face.”
I’m a moderate make-up wearer. One of the things that attracted Chris to me was the fact that I don’t really have a need for a lot of “warpaint.” In fact, our first Skype date (Dec. 31, 2010) I had barely made myself presentable after getting home from the Run Through Time 5K race: my beauty routine for that first virtual date involved a quick sponge bath, a quick fix of the hair and that’s it. I had just run 5K, my cheeks were pink, I felt good. Nevertheless, it’s not my habit to be less than carefully made-up for a first date of any kind. It was already 11:30 pm in New Brunswick by the time our call started, and I didn’t want to keep him up any longer than necessary.
Apparently I looked as good as I felt. I did apologize to Chris, explaning that I usually take more care with my appearance for a first date, to which he replied: “So, this is you looking uh – not good – huh? Wow.”
Nevertheless, that little it of makeup I was accustomed to wearing was my “game face.” While crawling out from the depths of my worst depressive episode (over ten years ago now) the routine of putting on makeup in the morning was a healing ritual I needed in order to go through the motions of belonging to society: every day I would force myself out of bed, eat, shower, and while I applied make-up I pretended it was a mask I was putting on in order to appear normal and healthy.
It worked, until one day it no longer felt like a forgery. I had “faked it til I made it.”
So I approach this exercise with a little trepidation. Can I let go of my ritual and still keep my mental health? Will this start down the path of “letting myself go?” These are very real concerns to me, and I’m thankful I have company and an outlet where I can explore these issues.
I should add that Fresh Year Fresh Face is not just about the make-up. I’ve also darkened my hair to more closely match my original hair colour, with the intention of also giving up salon hair colouring. It’s been varying shades of red or blonde for many, many years, and now I have several grey strands coming in. I’ve moved to Vancouver from Victoria, leaving my youngest child to pursue her studies and a life in Victoria independent of me. Chris moved in (at least for a few months) just a couple of weeks ago. That’s a lot of change in the past two months.
It’s safe to say a more apt moniker for what’s going in with me right now is Fresh Year, Fresh Life.
You can follow all the gals participating in Fresh Year, Fresh Face on Twitter, we’ll be using the hashtag #FYFF.









